The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
