Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I intend to get homeless drunk
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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