Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
