dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
