Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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