what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
