I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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