I smell stomach acid.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
