Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
