I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
BRING THE BAGELS
Randomize