I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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