She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Randomize
