you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
