mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
