guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
