I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
