Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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