Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize