have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
