Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
