The maid of honor just puked.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Randomize
