And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
