there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
