Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
