I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
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