His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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