i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize