I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
