So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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