woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
