i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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