you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize