we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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