I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
