sarcasm needs its own font
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
