I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
