just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
