I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
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