Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
