I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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