just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize