This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
