I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
