U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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