Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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