Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
