He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize