guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
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