erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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