I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
