I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
