we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
