Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
