Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
