At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
