Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
