Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
The Olympian is in my bed
Randomize
