these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
