Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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