Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
