oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
