I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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