So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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