break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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