see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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