im six kinds of drunk right now
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
