she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
