She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
These tits shall not be calmed
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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