So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
