If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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