I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
