I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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