So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
