just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize