I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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