Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
