It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
