I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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