lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize