I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Sober January is a disaster.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
