I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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