dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
