His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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