I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Every concussion has its silver lining
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
