Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
