stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
