Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
