Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
And then he peed in my hair
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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