Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
