Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
im holly from the hills drunk
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
