When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
