You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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