ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
