Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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