you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Randomize
