so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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