Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
