i wish there were pregnant emoticons
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
