last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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