did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
