I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
