she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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