ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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