And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
