why didn't you poke me back
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
