She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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