I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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