I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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