He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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