I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
